I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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