Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
