weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
