Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
