accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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