hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize