I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
