Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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