This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
