our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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