is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
