I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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