We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
