gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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