It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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