I'm lost and stupid without you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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