he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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