But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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