I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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