The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize