I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
