please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
