I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
