Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
