Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
