everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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