Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
