this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
