I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
