dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
