I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
