he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
