If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
