Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
