I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
