On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
