Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
