So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
