just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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