how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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