Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
