Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
