This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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