if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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