Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
