and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
