You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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