I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
