genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize