i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
