His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
