He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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