I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
