I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
