do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
your like the ambassador to my penis.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
