I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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