on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is Oprah even human
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
