i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
