Im at strip club and am horny
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
