shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
