just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
