Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
