dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
