Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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