My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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