I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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