Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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