Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
