ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
