They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize