the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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