the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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