I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
