Screwed.edu
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
they're like a gay fantastic four
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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