i already hear my dad disowning me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
