Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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