I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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