his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
