Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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