Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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