shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize