yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
