Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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