the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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