I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
