I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
