In the future we'll all be gay
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
