I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
