So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
