No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
