mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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