i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
