True but thats because hes a fetus.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
