I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
