I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
